How many times a day do you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk?
“I’ll never have a 6+ figure business. I’m not Marie Forleo.”
“I’m not good at sales. Why would anyone buy from me?”
“If I charge high prices, no one will buy from me, and my business will fail.”
These are the exact thoughts that plagued me when I launched my coaching business. I was convinced that no one would see me as a capable coach, and, as a result, I struggled to attract clients.
My negative mindset created a self-fulfilling prophecy. Here’s how it played out:
“People don’t see me as a capable and confident coach.” –> Shows up nervousness on discovery calls –> Doesn’t sign up clients.
Your thoughts shape your reality. They affect your feelings, your actions, and how others perceive you, ultimately influencing your results.
If you want to elevate your income and business, even a single negative thought is a luxury you can’t afford. Here’s how to stop negative self-talk once and for all:
Understanding Negative Self-Talk
Self-talk is the internal dialogue you have about yourself and your abilities. There are various forms of negative self-talk:
- Black and White Thinking: “I always mess up.”
- Fortune Telling: “There’s no point in doing webinars. No one will come.”
- Labeling: “I’m so stupid!”
- Magnification: “I’m horrible at sales. I’ll never get clients.”
- Mind Reading: “They must see I’m not that good at what I do. What if they expose me as a fraud?”
- Minimization: “I got a client from Instagram. It must have been a fluke.”
Where Does Negative Self-Talk Come From?
Did you know most of your thoughts aren’t even yours? It’s true.
If your negative thoughts were genuinely yours, they’d be unique to you. Instead:
- Many women don’t think they’re pretty enough.
- Most new business owners doubt their competence.
- Nearly everyone fears public speaking and rejection.
If most people share these thoughts, they’re not about you personally. They’re not true. Negative self-talk is learned from school, media, social media, and even family.
Unless you consciously challenge a negative thought, your subconscious mind accepts it as truth. The more you hear it, the more it becomes an automatic part of your mindset.
How Negative Self-Talk Sabotages Your Business
Let’s dive deeper into how negative self-talk creates a cycle of self-sabotage:
- Goal: Get three 1:1 clients this month.
- Negative Self-Talk: “I’m too awkward to go live on Instagram. People won’t like my accent. I’ll say something stupid.”
- Negative Feelings: “I feel insecure about going live. I’m anxious, and my palms are sweating.”
- Actions: “I won’t go live today. I’ll post a caption and some stories instead.”
- Results: “Another month without new clients…”
- Identity: “I’m shy and introverted. If I weren’t, I’d easily go live and get clients.”
This cycle repeats itself, reinforcing your negative self-talk and affecting your results. To reach your goals, you need to feed your mind positive thoughts. Change your thoughts, and the entire cycle turns positive.
How to Stop Negative Self-Talk
You can’t stop thinking, but you can transform your inner critic into your biggest cheerleader. Here are five ways to do it:
1. Become Aware of Your Thoughts
Your brain is lazy. It automates behaviors, including thoughts. This is why you can drive to work without conscious effort.
Most self-talk is automatic. When my coach asked me to record every thought for two days, I was shocked at how often “I’m not good enough” played on repeat.
The first step to stopping negative self-talk is awareness. When a negative thought pops up, observe it without judgment and note it down.
2. Challenge Negative Self-Talk
Many thoughts in your head are outdated, misleading, or just plain wrong. Often, they’re not even yours. You’ve picked them up from parents, friends, and culture.
If these thoughts aren’t yours, you don’t have to believe them. You can choose your own thoughts and create a positive reality.
3. Reframe Your Negative Self-Talk
Replace negative thoughts with positive, believable ones.
“I’m not good at selling” becomes “I’m improving at selling every day.”
Replace negative thoughts with realistic, positive ones. Your brain won’t believe unrealistic affirmations but will accept credible, positive reframes.
4. Celebrate Your Wins
Focusing on your perceived failures blinds you to your successes. Recognize:
- The clients you have.
- The products you’ve launched.
- The challenges you’ve overcome.
Celebrate all wins, big and small. This teaches your brain to recognize and value your achievements, building confidence in your abilities.
5. Surround Yourself with Positive People
Your brain automates thoughts. If you’re surrounded by negative people, their mindset will influence yours.
Spend more time with people who are confident and pursuing their goals. Their positive beliefs will rub off on you.
If you lack positive influences in your life, seek them out. The internet makes it easy to build an empowering community.
Negative self-talk is automatic, outdated, borrowed, and false. To stop it, become aware of your thoughts, challenge them, and immerse yourself in positivity. Transform your inner critic into your cheerleader, and watch your business and life soar.
By recognizing and addressing your negative self-talk, you can unlock your true potential and achieve your goals faster than you ever thought possible. Remember, the journey to success starts with a single positive thought.
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